after I tried to last night
his voice was different
solemn but calm
like a hidden lake
somewhere outside a cave
he called me by my full first name
in the way that one would after not
seeing someone since adolescence
and now here they are in the same
retirement home
he said something happened last night
while watching the bearded men sing
hymns and odes, prayers and chants
he looked above and closed his eyes
and there inside himself he asked
to see the light
waterfalls at the end of the forrest
warmth after an arctic expedition
air when you reach the surface
freedom of a faultless slave
forgiveness when you wrong
he opened his eyes but
the light wasn’t there
something else did happen
what was thought to be the twinkling of a passing-by plane
proved to be a star
this star was blinking and each time
it came back it did so
brighter and brighter
then so did another
and another
until seven of these stars
were all growing
illuminating beacons
through the darkness of the sky
and when he looked back
at the singing bearded men
that’s when he discovered it
“I saw an Infinite Blue
a Blue so perfect
Endless Blue
unlike any blue my eyes had ever seen
or imagined before
bottomless ocean halo
immense clear softness
vast perpetual
and I knew then that it didn’t exist in this world
but came from somewhere else
then I felt
the Joy
lay itself on top of me like a new bedsheet
the release of senses
a Joy more than any thick happiness
had embellished me before
stretched stillness, a nameless peace
that never will I forget”
as I paused he said
“I don’t expect you to understand
I don’t have the words to make you
the ones I need aren’t here
but they’re out there
with that Blue”
he called his friend
who was also watching
the men with beards singing
to ask if he’d seen the Blue
but the friend hadn’t seen it
he told me this
then spoke of my heart
and of poor and lonely children
with a truth in his cadence
that some old trees know of
that I felt my own was lacking
or abashed so I spoke little back
he thanked me for what I’d done for him
for the food we ate
the bed we shared
under the roof I had
and then he said
“maybe one day you’ll find them
when everything will be ready
and tell me about them
like I did you about
Infinite Blue”
after we hung up
I thought about what happened
trying to make sense of it
and thought about my friend
how he was before today
what was in his voice
and when we’ll speak again
now it’s night
there’s no bearded men singing anymore
no recitals or petitions
my eyes are wide open
I’m checking social media
some other friend saw a line of thirty bright dots moving above
a string of satellites
Elon Musk has graced
but nothing blue
another has got his mantra
that never will he tell a soul
with it transcending somewhere
inside alone under the ceiling and there
he is happy
with pure colours, candles and visions
and me, I am here
standing in the garden
wearing shoes with no laces
looking at the dark sky
wondering how can I see something
x
